grasping for understanding

I feel as though there are so many things that are just simply beyond my capability to comprehend! All last week I focused on Psalm 73 where the writer, Asaph was having a real crisis in keeping his faith. He writes about how he was becoming sidetracked with all the things in life that just didn't make any sense and in vs. 16 he says "When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me." I am amazed at how often I feel like this! Not that my faith is failing, or that my feet are slipping; just that when I try and understand what is going on, it is "oppressive to me."

Last night Albertein was struggling with the pain of RA in some of her joints, which made her very nervous because today is a big day for her. Because of this she asked if I would pray for her so that God would take away her pain and that she could focus on what she needed to do; and so I began to pray. I prayed last night that God would simply touch her and take this thing away, I mean He is the one who put her joints together, He could simply take the RA away from her. Again this morning, all morning I have been asking God to do the same, in the name of Jesus I have been asking for healing, yet when I woke Albertein up this morning my hopes were dashed as her wrist was swollen and throbbing with pain.

It is not a question to me whether or not God can heal, the real questions begin when He chooses not to. Even though Jesus tells us that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed we will see mountains thrown into the sea, I know that at times whether or not we experience God's healing does not have to do with how much faith we may or may not have. Paul asked God three times to take away the "thorn in his flesh", and three times he was denied. The reason was not that Paul had a lack of faith but that being healed simply didn't fit in God's bigger plan. This bigger plan is after all what we sign up for isn't it? It's just like when Jesus told Peter not to worry about what the other disciples would do, but simply that he should follow Him regardless. I read in My Utmost for His Highest yesterday that we need to see Jesus for who He truly is, and not for what he Has or Has Not done for us. It is only when we do this, can we truly follow Him no matter what situation we may find ourselves in. So that's what I'm going to try and do today, whether the healing comes or not.